Wish to see some cute and awesome Quotes For Sarcasm Ideas? We present you with a list of the best funny and amazing quotes for your inspiration. The funny idea is a great brain teaser to play pranks with your friends or colleagues. This year many people want to improve their work and private life but need more silly inspirations to catch a good mood. Great humor can do lots of wonders to people, especially when they are in the workplace. They use humor to reduce the stress of life and avoid tension at all costs.
Best Sarcastic Quotes
You are reading: Best Quotes For Sarcasm To Motivate You [2022]
“It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”
“Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.” – Robin Williams, Actor
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright
“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”
“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”
“Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!” – Groucho Marx
“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”
“People think I go out of my way to piss them off. Trust me, it’s not out of my way at all.”
“So many people worry about their physical appearance and material possessions, that they completely disregard their crappy personality.”
“Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”
“It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.” – Anonymous
“I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.”
“Whenever I go running, I meet new people… like paramedics.”
“I lost your number. I lost it when I hit ‘delete.’”
“For Halloween, I’m going to be emotionally stable. No one is going to know it’s me.”
“Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!” – Robin Williams, Actor
“I wish more people were fluent in silence.”
“I found your nose. It was in my business.”
“Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up.” – Anonymous
“Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list.”
“I’m not a hot mess. I’m a spicy disaster.”
“They say good things take time… That’s why I’m always late.”
“Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29?” – Anonymous
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey, Comedian
“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”
“People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”
“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
“Sarcasm–the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”
“Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”
“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
“My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”
“I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.”
“When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like ‘East.’”
“Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what’s on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.”
“The stuff you heard about me is a lie. I’m way worse.”
“Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”
“Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person, but then I laugh and continue my day.”
“I’ve birthed an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop.”
Best Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes
“I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I go normal from time to time.”
“If you’re waiting for me to give a crap, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be a while.”
“Right before I die I’m going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.”
“Marriage. Because your crappy day doesn’t have to end at work.”
“Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.”
“How much better would it be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire?”
“What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.”
“You’d be in good shape… if you run as much as your mouth.”
“Fun fact: Alcohol increases the size of the ‘send’ button by 89%.”
“I don’t keep secrets, I just keep people out of my business.”
“I don’t have a welcome mat at my door because I’m not a liar.”
“Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”
“I’ll get over it. I just need to be dramatic first.”
“Lead me not into temptation. I know the way.”
“Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing ANYTHING away EVER. I snuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord.”
“Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.”
“Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”
“My silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. It’s just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.”
“You’re everything I want in someone I don’t want anymore.”
“If they act as they can live without you… Help them do it.”
“Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”
“Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dog.”
“Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”
“You play the victim. I’ll play the disinterested bystander.”
“Never mistake my silence for weakness. Nobody plans a murder out loud.”
“My neighbors listen to good music whether they like it or not.”
“Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.”
“I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”
“I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.”
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“I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently ‘a way out’ wasn’t the right answer.”
“Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.”
“Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”
“My boss said I intimidate my co-workers. I stared at him until he apologized.”
“Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.”
“It’s amazing how clean my house can get when I’m pissed off.”
“Instead of ‘single’ as a marital status, they should have ‘independently owned and operated.’”
“I don’t fall asleep. I overthink myself into a coma.”
“If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.”
“Instead of ‘have a nice day,’ I think I’ll start saying, ‘have the day you deserve.’ You know, let karma sort things out.”
“My favorite party trick is not going.”
“The older I get the less surprised I think I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.”
“Some people really suck. Avoid them.”
“Sorry… to have met you.”
“If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on this planet.”
“Back in my day, people used to take photos with other people in them.”
“My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”
“My circle is so small, I almost cut myself off.”
“There’s no reason to tailgate me when I’m doing 50 in a 35. And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.”
“During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels like when he has a fever.”
“You’re giving me the silent treatment? Finally.”
“Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.” – Cecilia Egan
“I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my key, pen, cell phone, temper, and even my mind.”
“Yeah, I’m a pacifist. I’m about to pass a fist across your face.”
“If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”
“Autocorrect still thinks I want to say ‘duck’ 12 times a day.”
“If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford
“Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.” – Gene Perret
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx
“Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”
Inspirational Sarcastic Quotes About Life
“I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.” – Oscar Wilde
“When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” – Sacha Guitry
“Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?”
“There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.” – Will Rogers
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck
“This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.” – Lorrie Moore
“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!”
“Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.” – Steven Wright
“I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.” – Sarah Rees Brennan
“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” – P. J. O’Rourke
“If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember!”
“I don’t know how people can fake whole relationships. I can’t even fake a hello to somebody I don’t like.”
“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” – Groucho Marx
“I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.” – Anonymous
“If someone asks, ‘Are you crazy?’ Simply reply, ‘Yes.’ Boom. End of discussion.”
“Patience: What you have when there are too many witnesses.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.”
“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
“The whiskey tastes like I’m about to tell you how I really feel.”
“I became insane with long periods intervals of horrible sanity.” – Edgar Allen Poe, Writer
“I either have my hair and makeup done or look homeless. There is no in-between.”
“Didn’t sleep much but I did get a solid few hours of worrying done.”
“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”
“If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”
“I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”
“No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”
“Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying..” – Oscar Wilde.
“That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”
“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”
“You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.” – Robin Williams, Actor
“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.”Henny Youngman
“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” – Max Kauffmann
“No, no, no. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you.”
“Your fervent, misguided sense of entitlement is stunning.”
“I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.”
“You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate!” – Anonymous
“You suck. You should fix that.”
“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.” – Natalie Wood, Actress
“Sweating while you shop counts as exercise.”
“A half-truth is a whole lie.”- Yiddish Proverb
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“What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera.” – Aldous Huxley.
“I am a bit sassy, with some sarcasm thrown into the mix, but stoic at the same time – and brash.” – Mike Daniels.
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” – Groucho Marx
“My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there is a new strain out there.”
“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban.
“Underestimate me. That will be fun.”
“If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question.”
“I love being me. It pisses off all the right people.”
“When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in peoples’ eyes.”
“If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti
“Apparently rock bottom has a basement.”
“Someday, you’ll go far. I hope you stay there.”
“Marriage is a bliss for people who aren’t in it.”
“I always carry a knife in my purse. You know, in case of a cheesecake or something.”
“You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”
“I’m not always rude and sarcastic. Sometimes I’m asleep.”
“My alone time is sometimes for your safety.”
“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”
“It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.”
“People need to start appreciating the effort I put in to not be a serial killer.”
“You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.”
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”
“Oops! Did I just roll my eyes out loud?”
“Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – Robin Williams.
“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”
“An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.” – Robert Oppenheimer.
“True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.” – Anonymous.
“When something goes wrong in your life, just yell ‘Plot Twist‘ and move on.” – Molly Weis.
“I need to teach my facial expressions how to use inside their voice.”
“I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”
“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” – Albert Einstein.
“Have some fun with your life. Call in sick to places you don’t even work at.”
“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” – Sir Winston Churchill
“Tuesday is Monday’s ugly sister.”
“If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.” – Anonymous
“My life is just a series of awkward and humiliating moments separated by snacks.”
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” – James Holt McGavran
“My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.”
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.”
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“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”
“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” – Patrick Murray
“I’m starting to think my purpose in life is to serve as a cautionary tale to others.”
“This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.” – Anonymous
“Don’t confuse a smile with someone baring teeth.”
“We are suffering from too much sarcasm.” – Marianne Moore.
“Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”
“I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”Anonymous
“We all know someone who speaks fluent crap.”
“Life’s good, you should get one.”
“Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.” -Walter Kerr
“Be happy. It drives people crazy.”
“They say ignorance is bliss but I find yours rather disturbing.”
“I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work.”
“Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”
“Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.”
“I’m not great at the advice… Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing, ‘Friends’.
Funny Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes
“There are some people who come into your life pretending that they love you only because they need you.” – Uzair Lallmamod.
“Be the reason someone smiles today… Or the reason someone drinks. Whatever works.”
“The best things in the world are free – and worth every penny of it.” – Murphy’s Laws.
“Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.” – Cynthia Nelms.
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” – Billy Wilder.
“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Anonymous.
“Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get a warm feeling that it brings.” – Robert Bloch.
“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”
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“My natural-born sarcasm, when it’s unimpeded, can be a bit overbearing at times and I’m the first to admit that.” – Tom Bergeron.
“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams, Actor
“Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.” – Benjamin Disraeli.
“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer.
“The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand.
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